On bullying.

This is not the post I am halfway through writing about my trip, this is something which is important to say now. Now, because it's being talked about a lot on the internet, and frankly dear internet, we need to talk more. This is actually just the comment I posted on Amanda Palmer's blog about internet bullying, which she wrote when she had heard about the very sad death of teenager Amamda Todd. who, at the age of 12 was targeted by someone on a webcam chat site, blackmailed by them and then bullied and ostracised by everyone she knew, even after she had moved schools twice. She committed suicide a few months ago. I first read about this story here and then yesterday I read Amanda Palmer's blog. I hope you read both of those links, the first is gut wrenching and horrific but analytical of the situation that created her hell in the first place, and everyone should be aware of it. The second is amazing because it has instigated so much sharing; of stories, and love, and understanding, and hope. Hope that we can, together, stop people feeling so alone. No-one should feel alone on the internet dammit, it's the largest communication tool we have for heaven's sake! So yeah, once you've read those two, read this.. it's only my tuppence, but it's mine and as such it's just as valid as yours.

I was bullied at primary school, why, I've never been sure, I guess I let myself be an easy target. By the time I was in the final year class, it had reached the point where I came home from school and just wept in front of my parents, and couldn't stop. I didn't want them to go to the teacher and say something because I thought it would make things worse. Thankfully, they didn't listen to me and went anyway. It was the worst feeling of my life when our class teacher, who was also the headmaster, asked me to leave the room while he spoke to the rest of the class. I have no idea what he said, but he must have said it right because from that day on, not only did the bullying stop, but some of the girls actually went out of their way to befriend me and include me. It unnerved me, and I was always wondering whether they meant it or were doing it because they were scared of our teacher, but it sure as hell made life easier. However, when I moved to senior school, I took my fears and insecurities with me and lived as though I was a victim, I wasn't popular, but I wasn't really bullied, I did feel ostracised though and there was one boy with whom I had a strange love/hate relationship with which dissolved into hate once I refused to sleep with him. I did once (very reluctantly) allow him to finger me in an alleyway and the contrariness of doing this but not wanting to suck his dick/sleep with him at the age of 13 lead him to call me a "frigid whore" for the next two years. Nice eh?

However, I got through it, and when I went to Uni, I took a life changing decision on my first day. I was not going to be THAT person any more. I was going to be the person who said hello first, I was going to smile and look people in the eye and remember that no matter how nervous and scared I was at being in this new place, with all these cool arty looking new people around me, looking cool is like putting on armour, it's a way of saying "I'm not afraid" but inside, everyone's the same, everyone in that room at registration was just as nervous as me. And blow me down if I wasn't right. 6 months later, my friends told me they'd actually been a little scared by me because I was so confident!

So there, that's my bullying experiences, but as many people who have commented here already have said, this was before the internet took off. I don't know how my experience would have been different in this day and age, and I don't know how I would have coped with it as a teenager. Excessive use of the block button I'm guessing.

What I do know is that it is my, and everybody else's responsibility to stand up and say "THIS IS NOT OK" whenever and wherever we see someone posting, saying or doing things that are hateful, bullying, sexist, racist or whatever else it is they can think of to say or do that will hurt and upset people. And the thing is, while it is wonderful that we have people like AFP here, who has created such a beautiful corner of the internet where people are unafraid to stand up and say "This happened to me" and other people are unafraid to stand up and say "It's not your fault, it's ok to be who you are, have some love". What we also need to do is stand up ALL over the internet and in the real world and say "THIS IS NOT OK" to the trolls, to the haters, to the idiots, to the cruel, to the unthinking and to those who say "It's not my problem". One of the biggest problems we face is apathy. If all the people who thought "I can't do anything about it" and "If I say something they'll attack me too" actually stood up and said something, I think they'd have a much louder voice than they thought. So next time you see someone hating on facebook, call them on it, next time you see a kid in the playground being shoved about, grab a friend and go stop it together, next time you hear a friend joke about rape, berate them, next time, SAY SOMETHING. And love, always, always love. xx

Photos

Hello folks! Back from the South Atlantic for 3 months, it's lovely to be home :) I hope to have a proper blog about life on the bottom of the world soon for you. Meanwhile, I'm now about 2 years behind on photos... *hangs head in shame* but I have started getting them sorted and uploaded again. For some reason the flickr app that I used to have in the sidebar has stopped working, and I can't post this nifty littl badge into the sidebar either, so for the moment I'm just going to pop it here :)

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This is a Flickr badge showing public photos and videos from size4riggerboots. Make your own badge here.

How to get a job, S4 style. (Cadets, take note!!)

Muse thoughtfully about looking for a new job next time you are on leave.....

Imagine where you would like to go and what sector you would like to work in.....

Have a cup of tea, and voila! Your inbox will ping and an exciting job offer will have materialized.

With a chunky pay rise.

I kid you not, this is exactly what happened to me about 2 weeks ago. I am, I know, the jammiest little swine in the world, and actually feel slightly very embarrassed at my good fortune, when many people I know are desperately seeking their first job as a qualified officer. However, I have a point to make here, mainly directed at cadets:

WORK YOUR ASS OFF.

As a cadet, you may feel tempted to cruise by, doing the minimum necessary to complete your TRB, workbooks and the dreaded Work Based Learning. Telling yourself that at the end of the day the grades don't matter as long as you pass, it's only the ticket that matters. In a way, this is true. But consider this: once you have your ticket, you are plunged into a depressing search for that first trip job. You are up against all the other people who have also recently qualified and you need an edge.

You may be lucky and be sponsored by a company who say they will take you on once you're qualified. However, this seems to be more and more infrequent. (How many cadets does your company sponsor and how many positions do they need to fill?) Several people I know were told that they would be taken on, only to have this offer retracted when the time came. They may be able to offer some cadets a place, but who do you think they will pick? The guy who cruised by doing the minimum, or the guy who was involved, interested and always willing to help.

It's not just about doing the work, it's how you go about it. Do it on ship, rather than try and write stuff up later when you are home, ask the officers for help (at an appropriate time), and offer your help when it comes to cruddy tasks they need done. Go to your training officer and ask for a time to sit down and discuss how you can cover aspects of the TRB that don't come up all that often. And above all, go about your work with a positive attitude. No matter how narked you may feel inside that you've been sent to chip and paint/count shackles/inspect fire extinguishers/take inventory of a lifeboat when you've already got that task signed off in your book. Get on with it, and when someone comes past and asks how you're getting on, be positive. This is all stuff that has to be done anyway, and it might as well be you. You only need 6 months bridge watchkeeping experience, so don't moan, especially if you are on your first trip. In fact, never moan, if you have a concern, go to your training officer and ask when you can sit down together to discuss your training.

Hopefully, if you do these things, by the time you leave the ship, you will have given the officers on board the impression that you are a hard-working, diligent and pleasant person to have around. Now here's the really important bit: Get their personal email addresses, and give them yours.

People think that the industry is huge, but actually it's quite small, everyone knows each other, and memories are long. When a job becomes available, people will not necessarily put an ad up for it. A lot of the time, they will think to themselves "I wonder if so-and-so is available, I'll just drop them a line, see what they're up to" If someone who's been working for a while decides to change jobs, they first of all contact people the people they used to work with on other ships and find out what's available. So, if you have made a good impression on someone, they might recommend you to a friend; or have a word with the recruitment agency you've just had an interview with, who are saying that such and such company couldn't possibly employ you because you don't have the necessary experience yet; or they might just email you out of the blue with an awesome job offer. Trust me, it works.